Sometimes I think about How much is too much. Yoga is Balance, so everything should happen with moderation.
After leaving Mumbai and moving all family back to Europe, time was spinning fast and nothing was enough. Hotels, luggages, 3 months without proper home and always moving somewhere…it is probably what we could call “in between.“
But I wanted to have the new house done NOW, and make friends NOW, and teach yoga NOW, and practice NOW, and have kids settled down in new school NOW, and do the taxi driver for them in the new city NOW, and being the super mother NOW, and super spouse NOW, and everything NOW, yesterday was too late…
In 2 crazy months I moved 315 boxes into new house, organize 2 different schools and some activities for kids, made new friends, did not forgot all, started to teach yoga, trying to practice here and there, and home for sure, and was able to get 2 issues of our e-zine Free hug Yoga Times…
And left for 2 weeks in Hong Kong and Bangkok for yoga.
Actually the troubles started in Hong Kong. After the workshop with my bellowed teacher Prasad I could hardly move. My lower back was in mash potatoes state. I skipped Bangkok, feeling already not great, the conference was cancelled – all my heart is with thai people struggling with the flood.
When I arrived in Dublin after something like 32 hours of trip, it was not really surprise my back did little “grrr” and I could not walk anymore. 3 days later, after big rest and farniente, I started to run around again. Shopping here, turisme with my father and bro there…and the back just did not do what I wanted. It rebelled! And it did the “grrr” again, this time stronger. Lucky me, I had 2 strong men to carry me, and the third, most important, my husband, saying: hm, maybe you need some break?
The doctor had the same impression. 3 weeks no activity at all. I could not take it, but my back just did not let me to do anything else. After a big inner struggle, I realized that my ego is too proud and to screaming, but fortunately my body has some intelligence and handle me better. It was the message and was clear. …I cancelled also my trip and workshops in Prague and it is more then one month that I m just... sitting in it.
And just sitting in it miracles happen. Warm feeling, calm and balance. Peace. Love absolutely overwhelming . Clarity and sharpness.
Yesterday I chatted with my teacher and exchanged some ideas about practice. How we all see it first as physical action, get on the mat, do it, be there, and even if we all know the practice is on the mat and off the mat, it is still the mat that came as a first.
What kind of yogi am I if I can not forward bend? And which kind of teacher am I if I m going to the class, with the shawl around my hips and back and just telling my students: watch your pain, don t hurt yourself?
So now I know I am on the right track, I am walking my path, learning hard way, but learning, and actually sharing with my students not what I red and studied, but shat I m living and realizing in my own body, in my everyday life.
Yoga is NOT the movement, but the cessation of the movement. Cessation of disturbances. Quietness of mind, but also quietness of the body. Quietness does not mean no action, it means no buzzing and dissipating the energy in the nourishment of the ego and giving into the distratcions.
The broken back brought me the balance back into my life. The clarity. The sharp view on the purpose and the way to go. And I m grateful to the infinite intelligence of all our bodies to bring us back when the mind is foolish for the moment. We just have to listen. it is all always here!