We went for little walk with my daughter Noemie yesterday. I had the great idea we will make pictures for the x-mass day in the park just behind the house, and I was thinking to spend nice moment together the first day of holidays. The long walk was a time of reflexion on the past year and on Mother-Daughter relationship.
It was long year for my baby girl, growing so much, so fast. Leaving India and her friends was a true trauma. Four important years of her life were left behind and in her 14 years she had to handle the difficulties of separation and letting go of everything that was her life till now. Not only she had to leave her friends, and try to make new ones, but she had also to leave school she loved and re-integrated the french system, that is very different from what she lived in American School of Bombay. Her health issues from the beginning of the year seem now far away, but we are vigilant.
It is hard for a mother to watch her daughter grow up and go trough all the painful experiences without being able to take all this suffering out of her shoulders. Disputes with girlfriends, secrets betrayals, moving, broken heart, differences with peers and sometimes the clash of values… I have to watch myself and not to try to put my nose everywhere, it is her path and this is the way she is becoming wise and mature adults.
What I realised this year is the importance of letting go and just be here for her and for all my kids. I realized also that I cannot steal this space for them to make their own experiences, however uncomfortable or painful the experiences may be, it is their space and my role is to guide them and protect them, but not to prevent them from their own life! Our children are not ours, and they will make the choices that maybe we don t like, but they are their. I learnt we have to respect their vision of the world and we have to accept to become their life counselors, not their life managers anymore.
I learnt the importance of being present, not really DO something, just BE here for them. I learnt also the big role of compassion and compassionate listening. Most of the time my kids don t look for my help or solution to their problems, they know far better then me what they need really, but they need somebody just to listen and acknowledge their feelings. (“Wow, you really could feel bad when the teacher asked you in front of all classroom…)
There were time my daughter was just coming home, closed the door of her room and we hardly see her at the dinner table. There were a time she would not talk to us about anything from her life. There were a time she was not sharing what is going on and we could just watch and feel fear. There were a time we were very very worried. There were a time she suffered a lot. There were a time where Mother and Daughter relationship was just the silent movie.
Well, this year we slowly came back to kind of new relationship. I m always her mother, but we also find the way of sharing on more as friends and partners. Without forcing anything, she is helping me with my work trough her creativity and skilles. It was Noemie who created the logo of Free Hug Yoga and the t shirt, she went with me to introduce Free Hug Yoga Times to Hong Kong, and she even went to one yoga workshop with me. It was again my daughter who prepared all “fortune cookies” quotations for my new Dublin’s friends, and who is here to support me in my ugliest photos in the park. It is also her who is making my movies of yoga practice for you tube and online classes. I can t say she really enjoy it…but she is here, helping, and sharing. I feel her support and love, and it is the the best gift I can ever receive from my daughter. It was long way to have my baby back, but it worth every simple step.
Yesterday, walking trough the park and doing those most ugly and crap pictures of yoga of this year, we had were complaining, we were getting nervous from each other, we were cold…but we also tried to compose and to be here for other. On the way back, we saw the old tree, kind of ruin of tree, with damages all around, but still alive. On one of its branches were growing 2 beautiful new trees. I felt it was amazing parallel of what we lived together. Hard time, a lot of pain and suffering, but on our own damages is growing something new and beautiful. And those ugly pictures are my best x-mass present!
Merry X-mass to you all !