Few days ago my daughter sent me this picture as an answer to my Viber question : What are you doing?
It is her first month out of the nest at the medical school and I guess I miss her much more then she miss us. And I m grateful for that:)
Yesterday, during my asana practice, this picture came back to my mind. I did not feel hip pain for several days, maybe weeks in the row. I would call it miracle as I struggled with this pain for several years. Pain, hospital, osteo, and Dublin doctor just told me: well, you have to learn to live with it, you are not a youngest (???).
I did a deeper reflexion of what is going on actually. Jodie Rufty, american teacher I had a honour to train with in my YTT 500 two years back said regarding my hips: too much mobility, not enough stability. It was so true not only about my asana practice, but about my life. 20 years of expat life, changing countries, homes and languages like people change their iPhones, sometimes even faster, did not contribute too much to the stability in my life. I started to lead my own research about what STABILITY means for a person like me.
Another” aha” moments came when studying anatomy with my friend Anne, the osteopath who was saving my life for 3 years here. I watched her picture of Active ROM ( range of motion), when WE move. Then, crossing the line, is the Passive ROM, when something or somebody move us. And ultimately, when we cross this line too, the Tissue damage occurs. I saw the picture, and I saw it very clearly: when I don’t set the boundaries on physical and emotional level, the damage occurs.
For 2 years now my practice was about stability more then mobility.
About building more strength and less flexibility. I had to accept that I will go less for Eka Pada Rajakapotasana, but I will just hold… Plank. Or Downward Dog. Or Chair. Not extend myself. Just hold. Do less. Be more. Simplify. And every times I stretch my body, my time, my energy to overdoing,I have to bring myself back. I’ m not yet there. It is slippery path but I can fall with grace. Hey, I’ m flexible, right??
Well, I’ m less flexible and more carrying about myself. How can I decently teach self-love and self-respect others, and more especially my kids, if I don’t practice it in honest way myself in the first place?
Then there is something about boundaries. I study for while The Enneagram system of personality. It is kind of GPS of the hide-and-seek of our Ego. One of the things I learnt is that as a social subtypes I don’t have boundaries. True. I am like open buffet in Club Med. I let the people to come, serve themselves and then I cry because they just took everything. I’ m not a big eater so I cannot imagine that somebody will not have a decency to take just what is needed but they will let the greed or fear of lacking to let them behave as a bottomless pit . I love to watch people eat from my buffet. I don’t appreciate to be abused.
But there is not abuse if there is not victim. This was very empowering realisation I had trough my painful experiences last months. ( it is for another blogging;). If I can say NO, and I can stand up for myself( abusers have small ears and selective hearing) , and I can walk away assuming consequences, then there is not abuse, because there is not victim anymore.
My strength asana practice worked. My flexibility is not over stretching me anymore to accommodate others while hurting myself . My stability increase as I anchor myself in my own truth and purpose. My hips are pain-free.
I found the Freedom in the acceptance of the limits.
Love always 🙂