We came back to Dublin after nearly 3 months off. Spain, Czech Republic, France… Back and forth.
I did 44 hours trip home by car and boat from Liberec in North Bohemia to Dublin, Ireland ( why is all another story…), charged the car with the moving of my daughter leaving for her medical studies in Czech Republic in 2 weeks ( another story), and my bro left to drive the nightmarish way back.
House was just disaster. Luggages, laundry, dust… And hundred emails to be done. ( I skip FB part:).
First think I hurt my hand.
Second I felt overwhelmed by all things to be done. My finger bleeding, we still carry on with ” schedule”, buying new luggages, cooking dinner, making accounts and bills.
I was aware of my tiredness, my pain, my need for rest all day. I pushed myself to do the urgent but now, what really urgent is? I looked around me and I decided: in this outer mess and inner chaos I need just one thing really to do: my ” on the mat” practice.
I am saying on purpose ” on the mat” and not ” yoga” practice because I consider that when cleaning my house with awareness, one pointed orientation of my mind and conscious breathing, I am living my yoga.
So I went on the mat, just sitting and breathing for 20 minutes. I watched my agitated mind, the difficulty to sit calm, no judgment, just continuing to breath.
After while everything slow down. There were kind of peace. Little heavy, but it was lightest moment of the day. I stayed another maybe 15 minutes, it was just too good to leave. Cleaning and unpacking and washing can wait, right?
Actually, I was quit pleased with myself. I could let go of my ” perfect housewife” syndrome and my inner need to clean when the mess arise.
Somehow I was able to nourish my Ego with the opposite as usual!
This morning I reflected on it and I realised that regardless cleaning or not, if I stay attached to the result, if I am pleased with myself because of doing or not doing, it does not matter. It is still about attachment to the fruits of action, it is still about my little big ME, it is still just Ego play.
And I cleaned today . Not everything, not greatly, not ” bleach freak”. Just to make it lighter. Just to breath little more. I did not mind whatever I can do and how great vs. how cool I can be. I just did, as my duty, as my practice, with breathing and undivided attention ( ok, I checked my phone twice). The act of ordering my house was equally the act of ordering my mind.
Then I went to the mat. It was still light outside of the big windows. And while rising my arms up and watching the sky, the bliss was just there, from pure pleasure to be, right there, with the stunning beauty of irish sky.
To clean or not to clean? It does not matter. As long as we are clear about ” why”.
